“What’s the Opposite of Flammable?” – A Real Life Story

That photo is a little snapshot, if you will, of what I wore to the October triFABB meetup last night. A more comprehensive recap of the meetup to come. However today, this post is not about that.

This post… is a story of my husband acting all cray cray.

Even though my husband and I have been together for a few years, married and living together for eight months (we didn’t live together before marriage… we traditional like that), it’s amazing how much we continue to learn about each other.

Like, I found out the other night that my husband has never, ever, in his entire life heard the song, “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls. Now, it’s not like I’d expect it to be his favorite song or anything, but I mean, really?! You’ve NEVER HEARD that song?! What?! Cray.

Anyway.

So, on Tuesday night, John and I headed up to bed, but I had to stay up late working. I had been working on my laptop next to him for at least an hour and a half with him fast asleep.

All of a sudden, this exchange happened**:

**(and yes, I wrote down every word he said… I was lucky enough to have my computer right there… also, this story IS being shared with the permission of my husband.)

[SCENE: I am sitting on my computer next to sleeping husband. John rolls over, faces me, mumbling.]

John: so yes?
yes?
                  [pause. mumbles]
Your suitcase is a bomb?
Me: What?
John: That’s what Obama’s done.
It’s made out of explosives.
Me: Again, huh?
John: I don’t know why he…    [trails off… mumbles]
It’s true…    [trails off… mumbles]
I don’t know how he’s asleep.
Me: Who’s asleep?
John: You now what I’m talking about right?
Me: No, no I don’t.
John: It’s how they do the…    [trails off… mumbles]
They’ll make like a line…    [trails off… mumbles]
Make the people…    [trails off… mumbles]
              [pauses as if really trying to come up with something]
What’s the opposite of able to be blown up?
Me: WHAT?
John: Like, if something is flammable, what’s the opposite of it can be blown up?
Me:: Do you mean flame retardant?
John: No. There has to be a word that fits.
What’s the word?
Me: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
John: It’s not flammable, but it’s like, flammable.
Me: Go back to sleep, babe.
John: [pauses again] Let’s suppose there was an FBI agent that was like…
Somebody said you cannot blow up all FBI agents, like “I can’t be blown up.”
What would the word for that be?
Me: I have absolutely no clue.
John: This is very frustrating because it’s so simple in my mind, but I can’t think of what the word is.
Me: Clearly.

Immediately, John turned back over to the other side and started snoring.

HILARIOUS. I was so glad I had a blank doc open so I could capture that, because it was just one of those priceless moments.

Sorry for no real outfit post today, it was just too funny not to document so that I can look back for years and give my husband heck about it.

Honestly, I don’t know what was more funny though, the conversation that night, or the conversation the next morning when I read to him what he said. He swears he sort of remembers it, but doesn’t know the context.

Yeah, me neither. I don’t think we’ll ever know the context. No one, could ever, possibly, know the context of that.

58 Comments

  2. Pingback: Sequins + Chucks, triFABBulous, & #YOLOmondays Link-Up | still being [Molly]

  5. Ha ha ha ha, you just made my night with this story! My Man has done similar things in his sleep and I usually have to leave the room because I’m laughing so hard and I don’t want to wake him up! Too funny! Umm, yeah, I can’t believe he’s NEVER heard “It’s raining men”! So crazy!

    xo Jenny
    http://www.crazystylelove.com

    Reply

  7. Omg hahaha this just made my day. John and I have been together 2 years but we are still constantly learning new things about each other and I love that! My John definitely talks to me in his sleep sometimes but the conversation is nowhere near as fascinating as this.

    Stephanie

    Reply

  8. HILARIOUS! This made my afternoon. My husband talks in his sleep sometimes and wakes me up. It’s always something really random. One night he was mumbling something about steel-toed boots and another he told me, “that is UH.MAZ.ING. Amazing.” As far as I know I don’t ever talk in my sleep! Maybe it’s a guy thing??

    Reply

  9. I was just talking about this with a group of girlfriends last week…how men fall right to sleep and then we lie in bed thinking about a million things. It happens to me all the time and I get so annoyed at my hubby for falling right asleep, even though I shouldn’t 🙂 Great story!

    Reply

  11. HAHA that is hilarious!! My hubby talks in his sleep too and the first time he told me he loved me, he said it in his sleep. 🙂 Must’ve been on his mind since he said it for real the next day!

    -Sharon

    Reply

  12. How did you not have tears running down your face from laughing? That’s hilarious. My sister has done something very similar and I was laughing so hard I was crying. Love it!
    Meredith
    createthatoutfit.com

    Reply

  16. That is sooo funny!! One time my husband (then-boyfriend) and I were watching Star Wars in the commons of our university. He fell asleep halfway through the movie. When the credits rolled, I gently tried to wake him up and he got up, turned off the movie, and took it out of the player. I said, “Are you ready to get going?” He stares off at some undetermined object and says quietly, “I have to save the princess.” I laughed and said, “What are you talking about?” He looks at me sternly and says in a firm voice, “I have to save the princess!” At that point I started to get a little ticked and was like, “What the heck?” Keep in mind he was standing up during this exchange, so I thought he was wide awake. Suddenly he seemed to shake himself out of a fog and he looked down at me as if he was wondering where he was. I burst out laughing. I will never let him live this down, haha.

    Reply

  17. bahaha now I’m going to start documenting Sam’s crazy rants in his sleep because although they aren’t as action packed as this dialogue I would like to show him how crazy he sounds!!! PS the sneaks with the sequins are totes amaze 🙂
    brooke @ what2wear

    Reply

  19. 1) LOVE the skirt
    2) HA! LOVE THE STORY! John is such a trooper for letting you share that. LOL. My husband does the SAME THING! Except he rambles the lyrics to worship songs … no, he doesn’t SING them…he literally just kind of chants… scary!

    Reply

  20. Haha, I love this! My husband used to do the same thing when he was really stressed out at work. He would be asleep, but still talking to me (mostly about his work, thinking I’m his coworker) and I would respond and he would respond. It’s so crazy. Haha, I wonder what your husband was dreaming about, hilarious. And you can tell your husband that the opposite of flammable is invincible (like superman), clearly. 🙂

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

    Reply

  23. Oh mah goodness!! Hilarious!

    I’m a sleep talker, too, and my husband tells me that he can have a full conversation with me while I’m sleeping. Our middle son does it, too.

    I am so, so sad that I wasn’t able to go to the meetup this week. I would’ve been able to go, if my brother’s wedding wasn’t coming up this weekend!! And our boys are the ring bearers, so it’s been a little cray cray around here at zee moment. I hope I can make it to the next meetup!!

    Reply

  25. Oh man that is priceless! So glad you had your laptop right there. My husband talks in his sleep all the time, and it usually wakes me up so I’m half awake myself and can never remember all the hilarity in the morning when I want to tell him about it.
    Sad to miss y’all last night! Hope it was a blast.

    Sea and Swank

    Reply

  27. Oh wow, I think that’s the hardest I’ve laughed all week! You always have such funny stories. Evan did something similar right after we were married, I was up reading and he was passed out asleep, until he rolled over and asked,
    “Where could I buy a butterfly knife?”
    Me:” Uh…I think those are illegal.”
    Evan: “Yeah, but where could I buy one?”
    Me: “Sportsmen maybe? But I think they’re illegal.”
    Evan: “The frog keeps stealing my waffles. I need a butterfly knife.” And then he rolled back over. Men are so weird sometimes! That’s so crazy that you were able to write the whole thing down, it’s completely hysterical to read!

    And I suppose I should mention that I really like the combination of the sparkly skirt and the keds. Adorable! 🙂

    Reply

  29. that. is. priceless! that was a time when technology really came in handy!
    the other night my husband woke up from his sleep, sat up in the bed and through his hands up in the air party-style and started chanting, “dance! dance! dance!” went right back to sleep. it was hilarious.
    ha. we could write a pretty funny book on this!

    Reply

    1. LOL thanks, morgan!! i know, right? so glad i had it. and whaaat?! dance dance dance!! that’s so great! we should totally publish a book of hilarious things people say in their sleep.

      Reply

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