Moving UP in my Fitness Journey
This is my story about my own personal journey with fitness and where I am today. Like, right this moment.
I’ve had a love-hate relationship with “fitness” for pretty much the majority of my life. I was never super athletic, I’ve always been a slow runner, I’ve never been able to do a pull up, and I could never climb that STUPID ROPE in gym class in middle school. That’s why my sport was always golf. Yes, it requires a bit of athleticism, but I didn’t have to run, lift weights, or race anyone in anything. It was just me, the club, and the ball.
I’ve also struggled with body-image issues for the majority of my life. Okay, all of my life. I honestly can’t ever remember a time where I have ever liked the way I looked physically. Ever. And it’s so funny how much your perspective changes with time because now when I look back at pictures of myself in middle school or high school or even college, I think, “OH MY GOSH I WAS SO TINY.” But at the time, I thought I looked like a beached whale.
However, even though I’ve certainly expanded as I’ve gotten older, I have become much more comfortable in my own skin and less concerned with the scale and more concerned with how I feel.
I’ve talked about this time and time again on this blog, but I know that I will never be a size 2 or a size 4. It’s just not going to happen. My body isn’t built that way. I have a broad frame and bigger build and no matter how much I diet and exercise, I will not be a small size.
When I was at the PEAK of my health back in my running days, I was running 20-ish miles a week, training for 10-milers, 5ks, and a half marathon… and I was still a size 10. I was in the shape of my life, but I still couldn’t slim my waistline. It was then that I really realized that every body is truly built differently and no two people are going to look the same… physically… no matter how hard each person works out. Every body is going to respond to diet and exercise differently.
And that’s what really got me thinking differently about how I approached my own health and fitness. And I started to get into a really great routine and I started to lose some weight, I was in shape, feeling good, and I felt confident.
Then I got pregnant with our first child.
I was SO EXCITED and we were so happy, but if I’m being totally honest with you, pregnancy did not look good on me. There are some women who wear pregnancy SO WELL. They’re glowing and beautiful and radiant and they only gain weight in their belly and the shekinah glory is beaming down upon them at all times.
I am not one of those women.
I was sick all the time, I had so much swelling, I was constantly hungry but didn’t want to eat anything, I couldn’t sleep, nothing fit me… it was a never ending battle. And then I just started gaining weight and I kept gaining and nothing I could do was helping. I was trying to watch what I ate, I started working out for an hour a day 5-7 days a week (I worked out all the way up until the night I went into labor… at 42 weeks pregnant), but I kept gaining. Then I had a tough labor and rough recovery and it took me forever to get moving again.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom so much. It’s the best. But, I had just felt AWFUL about the way I look ever since Lilly was born. 
And I’m finally at that breaking point where something has got to change. I’ve been really laissez-faire about it all and I have not been as mindful as I should be. I haven’t been as regimented with working out as I want to and I haven’t been really watching what I eat. Now, I do cook at home 90% of the time and I try to make healthy meals for our family, but my portion control is so way off because I’m hungry ALL THE TIME. Between nursing (I’m still nursing 4x a day) and chasing after Lilly, I’m always hungry.
Anyway. That brings me to today. I’ve been spending the last few months really working on getting my life organized and my priorities straight and I’m in that mode of, “I’ll try anything once to see if it works!” (within reason, obviously).
I’ve been shopping for healthier food and meal planning a month at a time. I’m getting myself on a regular routine of going to the gym (much easier now that Lilly doesn’t hate the gym nursery), and I’m beginning to track my meals again with a meal tracking app.
Thanks for writing this, Molly. I recently hit my highest weight ever (ugh), and as someone who has also struggled with awful body image for most of my life and someone who has survived an eating disorder, this hasn’t sat well with me. I’ve been making changes to my diet and activity levels, and after a few weeks of changes, I’ve lost 6 lbs already (!!). I’d love to get some kind of activity tracker like this to help me track sleep, steps, and food. I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying your Jawbone UP24…perhaps I’ll need to do some research on this band!!
I’m right there with you. My Food/health/exercise regulator/program of choice is weight watchers. I’ve been a member for 9 years (lifetime for 4). Same thing happened to me with my first child. I could have said ditto for any of your statements above 🙂 It’s a tough journey to fitness and self-acceptance, and I don’t mind saying out loud that for me, it means I have to be within my BMI. I lost 32 lbs, reached goal weight and was happy! Uh…then I got pregnant again 🙂 lost it again! 🙂 Uh…gained back 10….it’s a journey, but a good one. Thanks for sharing. Ive found that other people’s effort is really inspiring for me to continue mine..
I know EXACTLY what you mean on so much of this. I was heavy my whole life before losing 75 pounds in college…then slowly gained it all back. I’ve currently got about 50 pounds to go. I have a Fitbit rather than the Jawbone, but I definitely considered that one! I’ve had my Fitbit since January and it’s already made a huge difference for me. Hopefully the Jawbone does the same for you!
I have never tried one of these bands. But I do know how it feels after kids and to feel like you just can’t get back to where you were. Or rather it takes just THAT much more effort. It was harder for me after my second child and once the breast feeding was over and the LAZY weight started creeping up. And I know alot of it was being at home and snacking too much (more than I was aware of really) and not being as active. And the winter kills me. But so far I have been making more of an effort to eat better, at least through the week and exercise more. But it still is taking longer than I thought it would to really see alot of improvement. I have been thinking about doing a cleanse but being more aware of my movement would be good too.
I have been considering a jawbone up. Btw I am a Beachbody coach. Would love to tell you more about our up coming fitness challenge if you’re interested.
i did the whole living detox last winter and this past spring. it’s a bit tough, but it’s food based so you’re actually eating and not just drinking juice for days on end. the best part was after no sugar for two weeks I stopped craving it. and as long as I don’t eat it, I don’t want it. but it’s a slippery slope-time to do it again and stop eating ice cream every. single. night. not sure how you feel about spin or home workouts but there’s a spin bike you can buy and it has a screen so you can take a class. I think it’s more like a home workout video vs a live class, but it looks pretty fun. but I’m sure it costs a bajillion dollars.
First off, I think you are gorgeous and would’ve never guess that you felt that way about yourself. I seriously come here because I see your pictures and think, “Geez she looks so happy and confident even if she isn’t a size 0”. <— I really hope that doesn't come off the wrong way. But I also understand not feeling comfortable even if other people tell you you look great! I've struggled with my weight since Freshman year of college. My thyroid went out of whack and it's been up and down crazy amounts since then. I've finally lost about 20 lbs over the last 5 months and I feel SO much better, but I am so surprised about how many people tell me they would've never guessed I had that much weight to lose. Anyway, I really appreciate your honesty and again, I really think you are so cute and pretty!
That is so awesome, Molly!! I know exactly how you feel. I have been lazy about my health. At the beginning of this month, I started Piyo from Beach Body. I haven’t lost a ton of weight, but my clothes are already looser. Here’s to getting healthy! *high five*
Ah! What an honest post, and hooray for a fitness tracker! (I have the fitbit and luuuurve it!).
This looks really cool! I’ve seen those bands before but never really thought about it. But I like, how you mentioned, that it makes you think more about your movement. It’s so easy to be stuck at the desk all day and not even think about it at all! I bike my kids to school (which isn’t that far…) but besides that I don’t do much!! I should get one and get my booty in gear!
Also, have you ever tried a cleanse? Not so much for losing weight, but because when you cleanse you are stopping eating things that could cause allergies and sometimes your body is allergic to something you don’t even know about because you’ve been used to it for so long. I did one through Arbonne this past summer and I loved it. I only lost 4 pounds, but I felt great. And you’re not starving yourself, you can definitely eat what you want as long as it’s within the allowed foods. Anyway, just a thought! And I don’t sell Arbonne, if you were wondering if I was saying for you to buy it, I just liked the cleanse!!
It’s so true though about how all bodies are different! I was just thinking looking through those Stitch Fix pictures how I look like behemoth!! Huge next to everyone! But that most certainly will never change, so I might as well find a good side! You are SO beautiful lady!! Keep up all the good, hard work!
AAAAHHHH I made the blog! I can’t wait to hear all about if you liked it, I told you that you would love it! It’s crazy how hyper aware it makes you to make healthier decisions and every bit of motivation (or competition…let’s be honest here) that might push you over the edge to a healthier fitness routine. And if you somehow have Jawbone’s ear…I’d love to share ways for improvement. It’s a great band and concept, but we all have ways for improvement. Hope you end Up (pun intended!) loving it as much as I do!