Why I Do This (oh, and some Fashion and gold sequins)
You guys. I’m ’bout to get real with you for a moment. May I do that?
You’re reading this so even if you said no to that question just now, I’m gonna keep going anyway.
I can’t tell you how many people (and people I’d NEVER expect…) have sent me messages recently, or stopped me at church, or texted me, or somehow communicated to me some or all of the following:
“I love seeing all your outfits. I read your blog every morning!”
“What outfit should I wear for this?”
“You’ve been inspiring me to put myself together in the morning.”
“I’ve been asking myself a lot lately, “Would Molly (Buckley) Stillman like this?”
WHATTTT?! You jokin’, righ?
So, I’ve been blogging for a while. THIS blog, as it is exists on it’s current server now, has been around three and a half years. And before that there was of course LiveJournal and my fabulous GeoCities site. The content has shifted over the years, for sure.
From social media, to teaching, to small-business ownership, to running, to comedy, to serving last summer in Kenya.
The blog has seen me grow as a person. It’s seen me through relationships, friendships, college graduation, no job, new job, four jobs, engagement, marriage, etc. etc. etc. It’s been a creative outlet for me. It’s been a place I can document my life.
I’d still write all of the things that I write and I’d still share all of the things that I share – EVEN if NO ONE read it.
BUT, with that being said, the words of encouragement and the thought that someone reads what I write and LIKES it means the world to me. It’s honestly, in some ways, what fuels me.
I’ve always been the person who wants to inspire people. I want to bring joy to people’s lives. I want to relate to people. I want people to read what I write and hear my voice saying the words on the screen. I want people to experience the good, the bad, the fantastic, the ugly, and the wonderful right alongside me.
I’m not perfect. I’m not a professional at anything that I write about. I’m no expert. But I’ve learned a lot of things along the way. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve made choices, and I’ve grown.
I’ve come a long way in my beliefs: my belief in myself, my belief in what I’m capable of, my faith in my relationships with my friends, my family, my husband, and my faith in my Lord.
I’m getting to the nitty-gritty now, I promise.
But I’m still not there yet.
My whole life I’ve used humor as a defense mechanism for the real issues I’ve dealt with. I’ve used the ability to laugh at myself, make others laugh, and use that self-deprecating-look-how-awkward-I-am humor to deflect what I don’t want people to point out for me.
And so that brings me to today. In the past few months my blog has shifted to food, and family, and faith, and yeah, FASHION. What?
Fashion.
Molly?! Doing fashion?!
For those that have known me a long time probably think it’s ridiculous.
I’m NOT the fashionable one. TRUST ME. My friends are much more fashionable than I am. I have some pretty hot friends.
But here’s why I do it and here’s what I’ve learned, and maybe, just maybe, SOMEONE, ANYONE can relate:
My whole life I’ve struggled with body image. Heck, what girl HASN’T?!
When I was in elementary school, I was tormented. And when I say tormented, I mean tormented. I was called every name you can think of. The things kids did to me would shock you. Seriously.
You think I’m awkward now? Try back then.
I’ve always been short. My legs are stumpy. I have HUGE hips (the Buckley buns as we so lovingly referred to them in my family). Yada yada yada. I feel like I went from a size 6X in kids to a 10 in adult women.
I was never a size 3, I was never a size 6. I’ve been a size 10/12/14 as long as I can remember.
For the longest time I would try EVERYTHING in my power to lose weight every way that I could. I’d run. I’d go to the gym like crazy. I’d diet. You name it, I did it.
I was always jealous of my tiny friends who looked good in anything. So, I was never confident in my clothes or how I looked when I went out with friends. I was the kinda chubby, goofy friend who brought comic relief. I wasn’t the one the guys hit on.
Then in my relationships, I never truly felt beautiful. I dealt with the same struggle I know so many women feel so often in life. SO many women, if not ALL women, go through periods in their lives where they don’t feel beautiful, no matter what anyone says.
I’ve grown a lot in the last two years and I’ve become to gain a confidence in myself that wasn’t ever there before. And since I’ve been married, I’ve, for the first time in my life, really started to feel confident in the way I look.
I’ve accepted that I’m never going to be a size 4. It’s not going to happen. I’m not built that way. But I’m JUST as beautiful at my size 10/12/14 as my amazing friends who ARE size a size 0 or a size 4. My friends are all different sizes and they’re all beautiful. I’ve been making the effort to just be HEALTHY and be healthy in who I am, not in who I wish I was.
And one day, I woke up, and I wanted to stop feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to stop saying, “UGH I have nothing to wear.” And so I started getting creative.
And in my quest for closet creativity, I unlocked something.
And suddenly I wanted to share that something.
I wanted women who read my blog and saw my photos (even my incredibly awkward ones) to know that you can be and feel fabulous at any age, height, size, shape, color, etc.
God made us who we are and the way we are, and the more we start embracing what we’ve been given, the more fun we’re going to start having.
I know, because it’s working for me. I’m having so much fun just being who I am.
hence the blog name still being [molly]… get it now?!
Since I’ve started doing this, the increased sense of self-confidence can be felt. It’s not cockiness, it’s not being pretentious – it’s a sense of confidence and carrying yourself with grace and poise – something all women should possess. Grace and poise. On top of all the other growth I’ve done – it’s a win win. My friends have noticed the positive change and my husband has noticed the positive change.
So yeah, I’m not professional closet consultant. I’m not a fashion designer. I’m not rich and I don’t have a huge clothing budget. I feel awkward taking photos of myself and there’s always that annoying, deep voice within me that fears the judgement I may face by posting something so personal.
And yeah, I’m a girl a heart. So sure, I watch the Bachelorette, I drink unhealthy amounts of Diet Coke and I covet things like Lilly Pulitzer dresses I can’t afford, Michael Kors watches that would look fabulous on my wrist, and Christian Louboutin pumps I will probably never own.
But those things don’t make me shallow. I’m fully aware of the plights of this world and how unbelievably blessed I am and I thank God for all of those things in my prayers when I wake up an go to bed every. single. day.
My mission has always been to serve and be grateful for the blessings and favor that’s all OVER my life. So grateful.
And if just one person becomes inspired by a simple photo of an outfit, or a thrifting triumph, or a dinner made well, or a joke I’ve made on this measly blog – then I feel like that’s a success.
I’m figuring it all out as I go. I’m learning. I’m looking for inspiration and I’m marrying that inspiration with my own personality.
So yeah, that long-winded explanation is just a peek into one of the many reasons why I do what I do on this blog and why I share what I share.
And of course, it wouldn’t be an outfit post without an awkward thumbs-up self-portrait.
So yeah, after all that, I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you’re even still with me… Why do you read my blog? I’d love to know. Do you blog? I’d love to know why you blog. Share your heart. Tell me a story. Or tell me a joke. I’ll love you either way.
Outfit Deets:
- SHIRT: Saks Off Fifth (outlet) $12
- SHORTS: Belk
- BOOTS: Got ’em in Italy five years ago. Tag says CERVONE.
- NECKLACE: Jewelmint
xoxox, all for now.
I love this Molly! Thank you so much for sharing your enthusiastic view on life.
And I love that you write- even if no one is reading! i feel the same way too. It is a bit cathartic don’t you think.
And I’ve never seen so many amazing boots on one person!!
Glad I found you 🙂
-Lauren
thank you SO much for the sweet comment, lauren. it seriously means the WORLD to me. writing is totally cathartic. 🙂
Molly, this is soooo touching, it even brought a tear or two 🙂 I am hoping to have this same effect on people! Great Job!!!
Cute sequin top! I just saw your link on http://www.RolledUpPretty.com and thought I would stop and say hello! pippa
http://www.shopwithpippa.com
thank you SO much, pippa. i really really appreciate it 🙂
I must’ve missed this post yesterday. I love your new reason for blogging. I think everyone can relate to this because we ALL have insecurities about ourselves that we need to learn to embrace! I personally prefer reading blogs where someone is wearing affordable clothes and doesn’t look like an airbrushed model 🙂
-Sharon
thank you so much for the sweet comment, sharon!! i totally agree. KEEP IT REAL 🙂
Wow,so beautiful.You’re fashion enough.
Wow,I think you are fashion enough.Also,thank you for sharing your own pictures!
Thank you for sharing this! I know it’s not always easy to put deeper thoughts down and I think, as bloggers, most of us will always be a little self-conscious about who we are and what we do. It’s great that you’re seeing so much positivity from your blog – I know that gals like you are a huge reason that I keep on going. Your personality and sense of humor and yes – STYLE – keep readers like myself enjoying your blog and looking forward to reading it every day. Thank you for sharing your life with us and as long as you keep on blogging, we’ll keep enjoying what you have to say!
thank you SO much for your encouragement, jamie!! xoxoxo
Molly I really enjoyed reading your last post and I love your creativity in outfits. I hope you’re doing well and just an FYI you look really great!
kayla thank you SO much!! you are so sweet and i am so proud of you!
ALSO! You need to get on the Mad Men Train!
i need to get on it! i know!!
THis is the perfect casual look! I love it!
Molly, I have just started to read your blog, but this makes me even more happy that I do! I love your message of loving yourself, no matter you size, color, or age… you are a beautiful lady, and I can’t wait to stick around and see more from your site!
xx
Here&Now
thank you so much for the sweet comment, jessica! you are amazing and i REALLY appreciate your support and encouragement
Molly I love this post! Thank you for being honest. You are beautiful!! and are a great example of a women living to serve God, be an example to those around you and encourage others. I’m glad I’ve “meet” you and can continue to get to know you!!
thank you so much – i’m not perfect but i’m trying to live out my life in service of Him every day!
Wow… you have no idea how timely this is for me! Seriously – I am battling so much with how I look and how my clothes fit and I think that is one reason why I love your blog so much is because you dress for YOU and for YOUR body and you make everything look SO good! I think I need to stop trying to make clothes that don’t fit work and start embracing my curves (I’m like you girl, got those hips!) and dressing for that, instead of secretly hoping I’ll be a size 2 and dressing like I am one – yikes! You are an inspiration, and your vulnerability means so much to me. Keep it up – you are wonderful!!
thank you so much for the sweet message, rebekah. you are amazing and so beautiful and talented. i hope you know that!
Molly, I love this post and love even more how real and authentic you are on this blog. I’m so happy that you’re receiving great feedback from friends (and it sounds like strangers, too!), and you deserve every bit of it. Love ya, sister!
thank you so much, bonnie. it’s really amazing. i had no idea how much response i’d get and i’m FLOORED at the response i’ve gotten so far. it’s so humbling. so i really appreciate your support, your encouragement. i think you’re SO fabulous as well and you just carry yourself so gracefully. 🙂 xoxo
Bravo! Well.Said.
thanks, jennifer!!
I LOVE your blog Molly! You and I have similar blog/vlogs in that I focus on makeup in mine. I have ALWAYS had super low self esteem with having horrible acne and scarring all over my face. I was bullied all through elementary, middle and high school. I still struggle with “liking” myself, but I enjoy makeup and nail polish and fashion. It’s not my life (that’s being a college professor), but it is a nice repreive and the response I’ve gotten has been awesome. I’m drawn to this blog because I can say I knew you back when, and you were just always full of life and humor. It’s an honorable thing. And you’re beautiful! Take it from a fellow size 10/12/14 girl. <3
Meg
meg – thank you SO much for your honesty and transparency and vulnerability. you ARE beautiful and i’ve ALWAYS thought you were beautiful! keep up the amazing work 🙂 you’re fabulous 🙂
Molly, I don’t even know you and I just love you! You are always so encouraging and uplifting! I love your outfits! Thank you for opening up and being so honest!
anna thank you for your sweet comment!! i love you, too!!!!
I love reading your blog, too. This outfit kills me. I think it’s so hot, though I’d probably do some sort of sandals since summer I like to let my toes get some air.
I love the shorts with the long sleeve gold shirt (that shirt is awesome!). You look great, girl. Truly beautiful.
thank you, alyssa! buckley’s for life!! love you!!
love reading because your blog is purely genuine. and relaxing. and full of life and confidence that screams “i know Jesus loves me!!!!” gosh, you just don’t find that too often. thanks for being so rad.
elise thank you! that’s the goal. i want people to see me for me but know deep down that i’m a woman who runs around screaming how much i know Christ loves me!
also… you’re RAD!
Hey Molly! I love reading your blog and it has become a daily “happiness moment” for me, to which I am grateful.
Your posts have made me realize that I am still beautiful even if I never get back into my size 2/4 from my college days. But that is OK and I am just as beautiful today and I was then. I have never been big on fashion — had two brothers and have always been a tomboy. But, your blog has given me ideas how to coordinate my outfits and I have regained that confidence I lost along the way.
Thank you and never stop being Molly! 🙂
ERIN! thank you so much for the sweet comment. you are SO beautiful – i’ve always thought that. i was a tomboy for years but it’s time we women embrace who we are and be FABULOUS!
Loved reading this Molly! I’ve struggled with feeling “shallow” because of my love for clothes and fashion…but blogging has helped me realize that’s just not the case. And love that glittery top – so cute!
Annie
The Other Side of Gray
annie thank you so much for the comment. it’s a struggle i know now is fairly common among us bloggers / womem and so it’s so good to know that i’m not alone 🙂 you’re amazing!
BTW I just wanted to say you are SO beautiful inside and out!!!
katie THANK YOU for your sweet message today! you are amazing!
I love your blog! And I definitely don’t think that liking dresses or watching the bachelorette makes a person shallow. I mean, not everything can be serious 100 percent of the time, you know? I love seeing your outfits every day!! I look forward to it first thing when I get to work!! You are the cutest thing ever!!